the b word

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lets be best friends!

the b word, breastfeeding. at times, it can also be the other b word… that is how my first experience with breastfeeding went. it was a B! everyone has their own experience with it; good, bad, easy, hard, memorable, gave in, gave up, etc. i’m going to tell you about both of my experiences with Tenley and Tate. although very similar, the outcome has been different.

let me start out by saying these are my own opinions and personal experiences regarding my breastfeeding journey. i am pro breastfeeding and i am pro formula, i am pro exclusively pumping and i am pro keep your freaking sanity and feed your baby. whatever makes them happy (and keeps them alive)!

we’ll start with Tenley. i’m a first time mom in 2015, April 28^th to be exact. let’s talk about the first time she came to the breast. i had read all of these articles about ‘letting them find their way’. well of course, i listened to everything i read because it must be the right thing to do!? haha, that was funny, she never ‘found her way’. so, i tried to latch her on by myself, that was also hilarious. didn’t happen. so, help came to the rescue. holy s**t, that hurts! fast forward, to the worst part, engorgement and the cracked nipples turned into mastitis twice in the first 6 weeks of her life. it was hell. she wasn’t gaining weight, my nipples were bleeding, my supply was decreasing because of the mastitis, i was pumping to empty when i shouldn’t have been pumping at all. can someone say, hot mess express?!

after her pediatrician and lactation consultant’s appointments (because i was in and out of their office a few times a week, listening to them tell me numbers and percentages that freaked me the hell out) a friend of mine messaged me and mentioned a tongue tie. of course i then googled it, and it described us! all of the symptoms pointed to a tongue tie. but how could MY baby have a tongue tie?! i didn’t want to put her through a procedure, i can’t have my baby in pain!? the mom guilt was real. around 10 weeks of life, we got her stage 4 posterior tongue tie lasered. i made it to 4 months exclusively breastfeeding. and 2 more months after that exclusively pumping. at 6 months, i gave up and gave her formula. it was such a hard decision, because isn’t the breast best? that is what society leads you to believe and everything i read told me. insert, even more mom guilt.

i had the hardest time mentally with the whole experience. it absolutely did not come natural, i suffered the entire time, it was more of a chore and i was completely uneducated which made the situation worse. the best day of my life was giving her formula, and my world was happy again and i think hers was too.

with Tate, i wanted to give it another shot. it was more of a challenge that i wanted to overcome for myself. i was aware that he could have the same problem as Tenley, which he did. i came down with mastitis twice, again. so, we got HIS tongue tie lasered, with a more experienced doctor. he handled it like a champ and i realized i actually had to teach him how to breastfeed. because this time i was a little more educated and had amazing an amazing team behind me, that was possible. we are now going strong, exclusively breastfeeding and he is massive. i (and Tate) won!

as you can see, they are similar stories but completely different outcomes. i struggled, the mom guilt hit me HARD, i cried, i was a mess. there were times that i felt like the worst mom in the world. and to be honest, i still don’t 100% enjoy breastfeeding. but i do it because i wanted to conquer the challenge i was unable to beat with tenley.

as i was going through the worst of it with Tate, a friend sent me a link to this very unique small shop. this shop, the Milky Mudra, specializes in jewelry using your very own breast milk. sounds crazy, maybe a little creepy, huh? yet, it is the most genius idea ever! basically you send a tiny amount of breast milk. she will preserve it using zero additives or coloring and sets it in resin. it is then placed in whatever settings you choose. i fell in love with this concept! for me, its like a trophy for my accomplishment because breastfeeding is NOT easy. i can’t think of a better keepsake for a mom.

i want every mom who is reading this to know that you are doing an amazing job. i hate the saying “breast is best” because sometimes as much as a mom tries to breastfeed, it just doesn’t come natural or easy. then you feel guilty because you have to give your baby formula. but that saying implies your child really should be getting breast milk. how about ‘fed is best’?!

if you breastfeed, you are amazing. if you formula feed, you are amazing. if you pump exclusively, you are amazing.

Einstein and Michael Jordan were breastfed, Bill Gates and Jennifer Lopez were bottle fed. there is no magic pill (or boob) in life, educate yourself, make a decision, keep moving forward with a smile!